Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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