I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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