She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Shame - the story of my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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