I have demons in me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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