i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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