At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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