first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
