I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
