This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
