My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
