you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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