He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
