Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
