Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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