I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
