you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
