I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
