the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
