I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize