it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
