john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
