one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When are your genitals available?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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