You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
