honey bunches of taint.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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