More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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