Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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