just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
