hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
