if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Two words: blizzard sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
