Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize