Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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