i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
