I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
