Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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