you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
