If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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