Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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