i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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