Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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