looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
