Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
