i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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