Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
