Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
