i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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