mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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