LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
