in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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