dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want her autograph on my taint
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
