I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
