What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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