i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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