It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
