if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
