stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
