My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
