I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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