i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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