Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
