as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
