ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
