She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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