its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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