The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
