Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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