I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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