How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
