he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
