it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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