My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
