What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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