so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
