She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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