using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
