Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no you cant smoke seaweed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
