Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
