How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i think im in europe. pls send help
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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