We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
