You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
