I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
